Monthly Archives: April 2011

To my Dearest YOU

Dearest You,

I just want to say that I am looking for you. Yes, you.

It all started when I was a child. I was in Angeles University one fine summer. My aunt was a dean then by the College of Arts and Sciences. I was just below 100 pounds, below five feet, below almost everything. Baby teeth were still intact. It was also April then and I’m just a few weeks on being an eight-year old. One of the faculty members of the media department there was about to get married.

But I wasn’t amused.

The bride-to-be asked me if I want to get married someday. I said no vehemently but I didn’t supply her with any reason, excuse or whatsoever. I didn’t like the idea of being all-dressed up in thick layers of white lace. It makes me feel itchy and uncomfortable. Also, being pushed around by boys in my school, I can’t think of having a ceremony where in I have to celebrate a life with a boy.

In her own words and as politely as possibly, she told me that someday, I might just eat my words.

And now, I’m overweight with it.

I will tell you now that it wasn’t really easy liking the idea of being with you first. I’m an introvert. I know I could live alone.

Yet now, I seek for you.

Now I’m almost 23 years old who now believes in true love, fate and destiny. I also now believe in you, the one destined just for me. I’m so fervent in giving you my overflowing cup of pure love. I want you to share me all your joys and sorrows. I want to know you more and more everyday. I want to love you more and more each day. Right now, I want to scream happily to the world how much I love you. I want to see you. Now.

I could say that I’m already in pressure while seeking for you. Slowly, I’m having difficulty in identifying classmates from elementary and high school, the girls at least because they are already changing surnames. While they are already starting a family, I remained alone all the days of my life. These are the days in which I am extra pressured while seeking for you. Agitated, irritated and isolated are word hints on what I exactly feel but even if you combined them, it is not enough to describe what I felt.

But now in my desperation, I stopped seeking for you.

Yes, I did. Yet nothing had changed. I’m still madly in love with you.

But not yet, my love. Give me more time. I want to give you everything I have. I want to share my best but for now, I just couldn’t. You’re not the one who completes me, you compliment me and vice versa. But for now, I am not yet a complete woman for you. I’m not yet succinct. I’m still trying to figure more things for my self. I am still not my own best friend. There is also school and with school I’m still pretty much chained with my parents.

I’m now asking you for forgiveness because I’m still a coward. I’m still weak. I cannot fight for you yet. Also, everyday, I’m trying to have longer patience and I’m building up understanding to people. I’m not doing this for myself but for you. I understand that we’re not perfect. We would commit mistakes in the future. We might hurt each other once in a while. We might argue. But still, I definitely do not want to fight with you.

I trust you wholeheartedly. You might be surprised how trusting I could be. I trust like a child and anything you would tell me would be my truth. But please, do not take advantage with me by this and besides, I’ll know it right away because I’m smarter than you think. I’m giving you fair warning. Nevertheless, I want you to be completely honest with me. I wouldn’t care about your imperfections, actually. From the time you were born, I already accepted you just the way you are. Please do not lie to me. Trusting me is one of the greatest matters a person could give me.

But for now, trust the love that I’m giving to you now. On the days that you are alone, always remember that I am praying for you. On the days that you feel forgotten, I am already cherishing the happy memories that we are celebrating together. On the days that you feel down, remember than I am the full moon that leads you home, the wind that cheers you to do your best and the waves that reaches for you.On the days you feel brokenhearted, remember that I feel that pain too now, because our hearts are already connected. I feel you now especially when my heart suddenly skipped a beat or when my eyes suddenly flowed with tears.

Trust on my love even if it isn’t concrete yet and even if you are not sure with my identity yet. But still, I want you to know that I just couldn’t wait on starting a lifetime with you. I want to talk to you in the afternoon up to dawn nonstop. I want to laugh with you uncontrollably until we cry because of joy. I want to make love to you in the afternoon. Like Leonardo da Vinci, I see people at their most beautiful in the afternoon. I want to consummate my love to you in full splendor, seeing you in totality and blessed by our parents and by God. I want to have children with you. I want to raise them like you who had a big heart. I want to grow old being crazy still every day with you just seeing your smile. I want to be your greatest joy. I want to walk forever with you.

But for now, I would dream with you tonight. And keep in mind that every day we are walking towards our fate that we shall be together finally.

I just love you more than words can say. And I hope someday, you’ll read this letter to me aloud.

Love,
Me

I hope that you'd receive it.
I Hope this Flows to You.
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Why Self-Imposed Split Personality Kills

Picture made by my "mother", girl genius Zarah Suarez.
Thanking God for his Passion (Illustration made by my friend, Zarah Suarez)

When they brought the colt to Jesus and threw their cloaks over it, he sat on it. Many people spread their cloaks on the road, while others spread branches they had cut in the fields. Those who went ahead and those who followed shouted,

   “Hosanna!”

   “Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!”

  “Blessed is the coming kingdom of our father David!”

   “Hosanna in the highest heaven!”

—-Mark 11: 7-10

And Pilate answered and said again unto them, ‘What will ye then that I shall do unto him whom ye call the King of the Jews?’

 And they cried out again, Crucify him.

—-Mark 15: 12-13

Today, Palm Sunday, we commemorate the very successful entry of Jesus to Jerusalem. He isn’t treated as just any kind of guest but a celebrity. I could imagine the Jews revered him like a Hollywood celebrity or a royalty of a known extant kingdom in the modern times threading through the infamous red carpet. But probably, Jesus was revered a little more than that as people even threw their cloaks on the road for Him to transverse on. Just imagine you placing your beloved jacket on the floor only to be stepped on by some person which no one in his sane mind would do even if the jacket is already worn out. So I could just see how warmly Jesus was welcomed by the people of Israel. He was more than a celebrity, more than the most reliable prophet and more than a mortal king—he was really welcomed as a GOD.

But I was surprised. Just a few chapters from Jesus’ warm welcome, I find myself reading “Crucifiy him!” shouted by the same people who had just venerated him by the words, “Hosanna in the highest heaven!”

Wow, I told myself. Those Jews must have been a bunch of mental retardates.

What had happened after the palms had dried, after they washed their cloaks which His noble donkey steed had stepped on and after rejoicing with all those Hosanna praises? What on earth made them changed their minds after a few days?

I know that there are those high priests that were already planning for the downfall of Christ. But still, there are way a lot of people there who were allegedly revering him. Perhaps, just a few words of those supposedly “holy men” changed their minds. I find this absolutely unbelievable but after a few minutes of meditation, I understood the instability of human faith.

Many members of humanity, both during Jesus’ time and the present, are believers in God BUT do not give emphasis in knowing him more fully. They do not fully understand the teachings which Jesus had established. They do not read the bible much hence, they believe more in Dan Brown’s fiction. They rebel against the Catholic Church looking at the wrongful acts made by some priests but they forgot that priests are also human who could commit sins and the fact that majority of the priests are still rightful men.

And because of this a lot of people had voluntarily split themselves to several personalities.

To be a true Christian, one must be consistent in following the words of God in his words, actions and deeds in EVERYTHING we do. But nowadays, people seem to have very different personalities because of not knowing these words. A knowledgeable lawyer may be a very strict and righteous in front of his students but at the same time abusive and neglects his family. He could be very idealistic as a law student and wants to create change in the system but when he became a lawyer, he set those idealisms aside and became one of the burdens of the system. He is different in front of his companeros, clients, family, and students and also shows a different face inside of the beerhouses.

Yes, this person that I had described is a lawyer that I know from real life but I refuse to name him because one might follow his wrongful ways so it’s best to forget a person like him. However, just as there are defective lawyers in the world, there are also greedy politicians, neglectful doctors, indolent engineers and other workers who create multiple personalities by wearing masks of wrongs.

The reason of that is the lack of stability of faith which the Jews before and the Christians of now suffered like cancer. But like cancer, this disease has a cure and to which we must know Lord Jesus more and more each day. We must not stop in knowing and talking to Him everyday. We must always practice being good to all people that we are meeting each day. We should no longer split ourselves to part-righteous, part-devilish or part-apathetic anymore. We should just stay as a single individual who religiously follow the teachings made by Jesus.

May this Holy Week allow all of us to reflect on our lives and be thankful for the ultimate sacrifice the Lord has made for all of us.

Start knowing and talking to Him now. 🙂

Letting Go of UST.

Yesterday, UE finally sent me a letter requesting UST that they authorize me to personally send them my credentials. UST, because of unknown reasons, had failed throughout my semester of stay with UE in sending my grades. When I went there, the Registrar promised me that the documents would all be ready by Friday.

I somehow felt an inner peace hearing that. My last stance as a Thomasian law student would be officially finished as soon as all my records are sent to UE. Probably, this clear idea would help me with the final arch of letting UST go.

After that, I walked around UST. I went to Dapitan and went on an obstacle relay on its street which is heavily under repair just to go to Simple Line, my favourite tea store. I ordered the usual large black milk tea with tapioca and talked to the lady there that I was amazed that people still go there despite how hard it is to go to their place because of Dapitan’s heavy repairs. She told me that because of the quality of their teas that made people still buy their products. I smiled and sipped my way to UST.

To kill time, I decided to walk around the campus by myself. Yesterday afternoon was one of the most breathtaking scenes of UST in my memory. There were very few students who were coping with summer lessons hence it was more tranquil than the usual. The afternoon sun was warm but it was very breezy. The clouds were high and are like feathers scattered in the sky. Some trees were now flowering with blazing red and yellow blossoms.

It was a perfect afternoon.

I tell you now that it was the hardest thing that I had ever went through in my life besides losing my grandparents which coincidentally all died on January but with different dates and years. I, who valued my sleep so much, had not rested for days. I can’t sleep. I always felt like crying. I lost my appetite (just kidding, I hope I did though). Once, even the sight of my jackets, which were an essential part of my uniform, was enough to let me burst out crying. I was pathetic. I was such a loser. I was so angry, frustrated, ashamed, insane and desperate. At some points, I wanted to quit law. At one point, I wanted to die badly because I felt useless and dim-witted.

Living in the suburban part of Quezon City almost all my life, I remembered how terrified I was initially when I discovered Manila. Before going to college, I usually go to Manila once a year to visit my grandfather’s sister in her lonely mansion in Malate. I was a very talkative and playful child (as I am today) so I barely paid attention on the streets of Manila while my father is driving on our way there. But I had to grow up and among the three schools which I had passed for college entrance examination, I find UST the best (the other two was PUP and Miriam College).

So after begging to my parents to let me study in UST, I found out that life in it would be harder than I thought. One reason is because I was a sheltered child. I am one of the few people in my batch who was still a service rider at her senior year. Commuting was harder for me. It’s initially like asking a child who is still used with someone feeding her make her own meal all of a sudden. I am not used in crossing the streets. I am kind of scared with a lot of different people from all walks of life commute with me every day. I am scared of the sellers which may trick me. I am scared of the taong grasas scattered in corners of Manila begging for food and money. I was disgusted seeing rugby boys in Dapitan. Secondly, I also have a very poor sense of direction. This is very embarrassing to admit, but I cannot differentiate Dapitan from Padre Noval or Lacson from Espana. I cannot remember where I had eaten or where was the loading station. Thirdly, I cannot stand the pollution. It’s a good thing that I outgrown asthma attacks but I sometimes still get sick because of this.

But I have to withstand it not only because of my parents or my personal ambitions, but because I developed a deep love for UST. It was so deep that all the offshoots that I had enumerated above turned nothing for me. I loved almost everything about UST—the long and esteemed history, the very Catholic and conservative beliefs and traditions, the highly respected faculties and colleges, the facilities, the field, the chapel, the hospital, the teachers and graduates that it supplied and the classmates that it had given me. Though I fear the City of Manila, I feel very safe in UST. I am always early in going to school. I think I was late for only once or twice in my whole stay in UST. I hated being absent. I must be having a high fever in order for me to miss a class. UST almost always inspired me to go to class.

The inevitable came. After four years, I had to graduate from my undergrad course. But I already envisioned myself as a Thomasian lawyer just after four years. There is just no other way.

But, let us fast forward to that fateful night of the 28th day of October 2010. I saw myself holding back the tears as I impatiently wait for that taxi. I need to go to Timog Avenue as soon as I can. One taxi stopped for me and after explaining the place I want to go to, the taxi driver asked for dagdag because the place that I was going to was traffic. Yes, I agreed with his scheme. I am desperate to go anywhere at that time even to Egypt, where there was an unrest, or to the moon, or to the Andromeda galaxy.

One minute later after the taxi driver stepped on the gas, I wailed to him, “Mama, bakit ngayon ka lang dumating! Kanina pa kita hinihintay!” It was a pitiful and funny scene.

Unfortunately for that driver, just about twenty minutes before I went in his taxi, the Faculty Secretary had positively declared me as debarred BUT at the same time, I must get rid of those emotions as soon as I can because the reason why I was going to Timog Avenue is to go to a Chinese restaurant to celebrate the graduation my my cousin, Kuya Doy. He graduated with a degree of Doctor of Medicine earlier that day, too. I told the taxi driver everything while sobbing, sniffling and wailing occasionally. I don’t know if he had understood me but he tried his best comforting me by saying that there is no way that I am stupid because I’m taking up law and God has better plans for me. However, at the height of emotions, nothing makes sense. The pain was overpowering. I can’t see or hear clearly. My body was shaking. But I have to stay strong temporarily for Kuya and our families. I have to smile as soon as they arrived.

I was lucky that I arrived there earlier than expected. My family was already there but Kuya’s family was stuck in the traffic of EDSA so they arrived much later. My family already knew about the sad truth because I phoned them inside the taxi. Everyone was down, especially my father, who didn’t know what to do. I asked for forgiveness. I’m happy that they understood. After that night, I was living on the nightmares of self-denial and despair.

I prayed. I prayed. I prayed.

I know that I would enter UE. It was an easy option because Dad studied there although I tried inquiring at PUP but they didn’t let me enter because I had failures from my transcript. I considered Arellano or San Sebastian but Dad already made up his mind so I agreed though I was a bit reluctant to continue with law as I felt so depressed and tired that I just want to rest at home but I didn’t tell him that.

UE was relatively a smaller school if compared to UST. Everything that UST has, you could find an equivalent in UE but on a smaller scale. There were hardly any trees except those in the Tan Yan Kee, which is a very small garden. I kind of dislike UE because all I could see were buildings and it suffocates me in a way. Anyway, UE Law also has fewer students compared to UST and perhaps more than its half is working. I was surprised in learning there was more irregulars than regulars. The class size could be as small as five or more than thirty. It was difficult at first in adjusting. UST has may heart and soul which I could not overnight recall from it. I still go down at UST sometimes and pray to the chapel there before walking to UE though one day, I outgrown it. I also don’t know anyone there except for Miko, who was my classmate in UST. I come to class about fifteen minutes before the time and had never studied in the library, thus, I remain a mystery to UE except to my few classmates and some office staff who I really talked to. But I enjoy my independence. I liked now staying at home studying by myself. I also take pride of doing well in exams without any sample exams. I also like my classmates who were generally nicer than my classmates in UST Law.

Nevertheless, I must completely relinquish all the negative feelings inside now. I must let go one and fully embrace the latter. The dream on being a lawyer does not start or end in what school you’re studying in but in your ability alone when you take the bar. I must take that one big step away from UST finally for the betterment of me.

I’ll always be a true Thomasian . But I wrote this to finally let myself walk away under the shadows of UST. Thank you, UST. I am absolutely grateful in you. I don’t think I’ll ever finish my list of reasons why I am forever thankful in you. However, this is also the time for me to understand fully what it means to be a Red Amazon because after all, the end of the journey for me is not simply being as a Thomasian Lawyer but a Thomasian-Amazon Lawyer.

I’ll forever be proud carrying the colours of gold and red—the colors of dignity and passion which would always guide me in my profession as lawyer someday.

UST Arch of the Centuries

I am now stepping out to forever.

The Vainest Post Ever: 100 Facts About Me

A week ago, Twitter had a trending topic called #100factsaboutme. I worked on it slowly for a week. It’s really so hard to come up with things about you at times and it makes you feel like nothing but a speck of dust in the universe. Nevertheless, it’s a miracle that I finished mine. It may be the vainest article that I could ever post on-line but I think that it’s also a good practice for everyone to do. In a way, this is another channel for self-discovery and self-appreciation. I promise though, that the succeeding articles won’t be as vain as this. Anyway, here goes nothing… 🙂

  1. My teacher once gave us homework when I was in second year high school. The question was, “Who are you in your past life?” This question is incorporated with our topic on Indian Literature on reincarnation. I answered:  I was an Empress of China. I wore the best clothes, had servant and was revered by the whole country. Yet I cannot stand my husband having many concubines. I also do not feel any love with my husband. I want to be loved truly, wholly and undividedly by the person I love. But still, I did my duty as empress the best that I could. I stood by my emperor in all circumstances. Hence, when I was reborn again, God turned me into a regular girl to find love myself. I got a perfect score in that assignment! Beat that! 😀
  2. I am the eldest child of my parents. I was born 8th of May, 1988. I actually chose that date. I was supposed to be out on the 5th day but for some reason, I did not come out. My mother is happy though because I was born on a Mother’s Day.
  3. My name is Maris Angelica. My parents want me to be named after Mama Mary, but they do not want to give me the “regular” form of her name like Mary or Maria or Marie. They got Maris from the doctor next door my mom’s obstetrician. Her name was Maris Stella. Angelica was after my father, “Angelo”.
  4. Maris Angelica literally means Sea Messenger. Ummm…so does it mean that I am destined to be an environmentalist or something?
  5. Despite my name, I never swam on the sea yet. I just “passed by it”.
  6. Coincidentally, I am now trying to follow my father’s path. He’s a lawyer and I’m now a law student.
  7. I am a Christian by faith. I am forever a follower of Christ. Being a Christian is my decision and not merely my description.
  8. I have terrible eyesight. My eye grade is now 900-850. As soon as I take the bar, my parents promised that I would undergo lasik surgery. Also, it’s naturally brown.
  9. My parents are strict and overprotective. They bought me all the toys I like when I was a kid and I’m still keeping them. Hence, about one third of the junk in my rooms are toys.
  10. My favorite colors are red, white and pink. But actually, any pastel color makes me happy.
  11. However, most of my clothes are colored black because of the corporate nature of my law studies. I could wear white but I could not. I don’t like it being a dirty after my long travel every school day from North Fairview to Manila.
  12. I was born in Capitol Medical Center then I lived in Cubao. But shortly after my 4th birthday, we moved here in Fairview.
  13. Fairview is such a suburban place that my alarm clock every morning would be rooster crows.
  14. Since I was born on a Sunday, St. Michael the archangel is my guardian angel. Also, I later found out that May 8 was really his feast day.
  15. I’m suffering from Japanophilia since I was about six years old. Well, it is not exactly a disease but I love all things Japanese! Don’t worry though…the Philippines is still my favorite country. But I believe that we have a lot of things to learn from the Japanese in order to succeed.
  16. My Japanophilia started when my father had a business trip on Japan. I was amazed a his story on how clean the country is, how beautiful the flowers are blooming despite the fact that it was autumn going to winter when he went there, how disciplined and high technology the people are there and they have their own Disneyland. It was the first time in my life that I ever felt envious. I want to see it all for myself.
  17. I admire the Germans and the Italians too. Go, Axis Powers! 😀
  18. But I also admire the Jews. Look how many great people descended from the Jews despite the fact that they aren’t many in numbers and they suffered so much during the World War II.
  19. I like the smell of apple, cinnamon, cherry blossom, rose, chocolate, green tea, vanilla and newly-sharpened pencils.
  20. My first crushes were anime characters. I am such a crazy child, I know. I actually had my first crush on a boy when I was in second year high school.
  21. I remember things as early as two years old. I could remember clearly what I was doing during the Great Luzon Earthquake of 1990. I was dancing at that time. I thought the world was dancing with me. However, people in our house, pulled me under the dining table while they were frantically praying the rosary. But still, under the table, I continued dancing.
  22. But, honestly, I am the worst dancer ever. I cannot follow the simplest steps in dancing. A little kid could easily insult my dancing skills.
  23. I am not a good singer too. But, Lord…how I love to sing.
  24. I studied in five different schools in my lifetime. Nursery and Kinder was in Holy Child Montessori. Prep was in Flos Carmeli Institution. First Grade to Fourth Year High School was in School of Saint Anthony. College and a year and a half in law school were in University of Santo Tomas. And now, it is my first semester of law school in University of the East.
  25. I watch Korean dramas and movies, too. But I have not watched for quite sometime now because the plot is becoming too repetitive for me.
  26. But oh…Korea is the gold mine of hunks for me! Taiwan is a close second. I like guys with small eyes especially if they always seems like smiling—it makes my heart melt.
  27. I barely watch Taiwanese dramas though because their original plot has always got to do with amnesia. Those without the amnesia are usually based on Japanese manga.
  28. Anyway, going back to Korea, I am so in like with Lee Min-Ho and I am so in love with Hyun Bin. In fact, his birthday, September 25, is my “personal holiday”. Yeah, I celebrate it.
  29. I am complex yet very childlike.
  30. I have a younger sister. She’s 19 and she studies in UP-Diliman, majoring Chemistry. Ewww, I know. But she’s my best friend so I support her.
  31. I also have a younger brother. He’s still in high school. He wants to be a Civil Engineer in college. Most probably, he’ll be a Thomasian, too. But we’ll see about that.
  32. I love amusement parks! Space Shuttle of Enchanted Kingdom? Piece of cake.
  33. I am right-handed. I have tried teaching my left hand write endlessly but I am so unsuccessful. But, at the very least…my left hand could type alone like what I am doing now.
  34. I am a Filipina of Chinese descent. I also have Spanish and English blood but they are very minimal. But I am raised 100% Pinay.
  35. I am sort of a loner. I live in my own world. I understand that because I know I am really weird for a lot of people with my views and likes but really, I do not care.
  36. I like to draw. I was also painting when I was in high school. I really want to do that all again.
  37. Things that I would like to do in my lifetime: become a family lawyer, a diplomat, a book publisher, and the president of the Republic of the Philippines.
  38. Actually, I already planned on my presidential bid on 2028. The Election Day 2028 is exactly my 40th birthday. So please, do vote for me. I am serious.
  39. Don’t take everything that I say seriously. I am crazy!
  40. I don’t smoke. I could drink socially though.
  41. But I am addicted to C2 Apple and to the Internet. A day without even one of them drives me nuts.
  42. I do not like eating anything with squid, eggplant and okra in it. The tastes are sickening.
  43. I only learned about sex when I was 12 years old. Before, I thought that if you got married, the priest would give you a secret key that would help the woman conceive. I’m such a naïve child. Needless to say, I only learned about broken family, children born out of the wedlock and common-law relationships when I was in mid-high school.
  44. I have soft spot for children. That’s why I want to be a family lawyer. I do NOT want their parents to separate and I want homeless children be adopted by their own loving families.
  45. I got hospitalized twice. First was when I was six years old to correct my “banlag” eyes. The second one was when I had dengue when I was fourth year college. I missed our class picture!
  46. I like boys with small eyes. I like how they always seems to be smiling when they got embarrassed of just plain happy. I find it unbearably cute!
  47. I adore dimples, fair skin and broad shoulders on men as well. If you fit those description perfectly, sorry but I can’t help but to ogle at you.
  48. The sexiest part for me of a person is his smile and his intelligence.
  49. My province is Pampanga. I like it in there. I always feel like home even if I do not speak Kapampangan. I understand it though.
  50. When I was a child, I thought I was special because the moon is following me. When my playmates said that they were being followed by the moon too, I did not believe them.
  51. I also thought that I have powers before because when I whistled, a soft breeze would suddenly happen.
  52. I don’t know how I choose Economics for college. But I’m proud to say that an Economist.
  53. Instant joys for me: spaghetti with thick tomato sauce, banana-chocolate shake, sushi, creampuffs and strawberry shortcakes.
  54. I’m a tea and coffee addict. I dislike drinking them cold though. My tongue and lips are so sensitive that they easily become scalded. I love my drinks ice cold.
  55. My Chinese sign is Dragon. My zodiac sign is Taurus. Both signs always emphasizes that I am a very stubborn person. How right they are!
  56. I always ask for the intercession of Mother Mary. I always at peace thinking and talking to her.
  57. I’m good at saving but I hate the fact that I’m a very impulsive buyer. Hence, I often leave home with very little cash.
  58. I was born with big eyes, black hair and dark skin. But eventually, my eyes became smaller, my hair turned chestnut brown and my skin became fairer. I have no idea why.
  59. My hair is naturally wavy, but I sometimes have it straightened because of my belief that wavy hair breaks easily compared to straight hair.
  60. I’m not a picky eater but I really have difficulty in liking squid especially takoyaki and adobong pusit. I eat calamares and squid balls but that’s very seldom.
  61. My teeth were all permanent at age 11. I wore brace shortly before I entered fourth year high school. I got them removed at second year high school. Recently, I felt my wisdom teeth are growing.
  62. My best birthday gift ever was my 17th birthday held in Disneyland in Los Angeles, California. Seriously, at that moment, I won’t be surprised if someone would wake me up from my sleep. It was too happy and magical to be true.
  63. I am a big girl but my shoe size is only 7! I easily trip because of this defect.
  64. …and also because, I am the type of person whose head is on the clouds.
  65. …Hence, in Disney princesses, I identify myself clearly with Belle. But my favorite girls are Mulan and Rapunzel.
  66. Vital statistics? Hahaha! I have no idea what’s mine. Ignorance is bliss. I do know that my cup size is B. That’s all I’m sharing to you!
  67. I could easily laugh, cry or flare up. But I easily cool down as well. Happy now, crying later, and then cursing afterwards. I told you, I’m crazy.
  68. I love listening to the piano. My favorite pieces are Rhapsody in Blue and Canon in D.
  69. I first saw myself in television when I joined the Digital LG Quiz. I lost though I had kept the blue cap.
  70. When my mother had a job offer in the United States and my father allowed her, I immediately cried almost non-stop for two days. I cried everywhere and at any time…from the moment I wake up, while eating with my family, while having a shower.  Eventually, I influenced my sister and brother. Hence, because of that cry campaign, my father revoked his consent. My mother refused to talk to us for days but after three days, she bought ice cream and we’re okay.
  71. I find silk sexy…and laces too. And animal prints also. But I do not find anything sexy with leather and whips.
  72. My parents taught me how to hear the mass seriously. I never missed a Sunday Mass, though some of them are anticipated, in my life except the first Sunday of my life—the day of my birth.
  73. I love all kinds of flowers, but I love Casablancas and roses the best.
  74. But I identify myself as a daisy—energetic and spunky. Also, a bit informal too, compared to Casablancas and roses.
  75. I’m unusually good in remembering dates. I could remember birthdays even without facebook reminder. In college, too, I had the best grades in World History and Asian History.
  76. I love nail polish, but I can’t apply them myself. I tried all colors except black and green. I don’t know…I just felt that I do not express my true feelings with those colors.
  77. I could speak and write Filipino and English very well. I understand Kapampangan, but I do not speak it. I understand little Spanish and Japanese. We have Spanish subjects in college and I learned Japanese by watching their subbed dramas and anime.
  78. Like my Chinese ancestors, I believe that the greatest things in life are predestined but it won’t happen unless you work hard for it. In short, I believe in both faith and fate.
  79. I usually plan what I’m going to do for the week ahead, but I barely follow schedules. I am so spontaneous which brings out the best and worst in me.
  80. I am bad in remembering class room numbers though. I need at least two weeks to perfect the place where I am supposed to be.
  81. In case that it’s not obvious yet, I am a geek and I’m proud of it.
  82. My family usually likes eating in Chinese restaurants. My personal favorite is Hap Chan and Flavors of China.
  83. I tried my best to excel at using chopsticks, but no matter what I do, nothing beats spoon and fork.
  84. I can’t lie. I tried, but I end up saying the truth.
  85. When I meet a person who asks for my name and I think I cannot trust that person, I instantaneously say that my name is “Abby.” That’s the first name that you would see in a baby book for girls.
  86. Speaking of baby names, I love reading them when I have free time. So you might find me weird when saying, “Eh your name is _______, which in Latin/Greek/Hebrew/etc. means _______. That probably means you are a _______ person.”
  87. I used to read palms when I was high school. I saw a book in the library that tells me how to do so. That made some girls that I hardly knew come to me during breaks to have their palms read. Some boys did come to me too. However, I decided not to practice it in college days. Now, I can’t even remember how to read my palm as well.
  88. I hate last minute changes. This drives me temporarily nuts.
  89. I prefer cats over dogs. I want a Manx or a Birman or a Tabby someday.
  90. I own a Wii named Aka-chan, laptop named Freya, cellphone named Momo-chan and and iPod which is named iTouch.
  91. My favorite novel is Stargirl. I’m really as eccentric as Stargirl Caraway in the story. But I don’t like its sequel Love, Stargirl so much. I really like Leo too. I feel that she is out of character in that novel.
  92. I obtained my driver’s license when I was eighteen. However, since my father feared that I might break his car, he did not let me drive it hence, I forgot how to drive a car now.
  93. I would be twenty-three in a month and I think that I am ready for a relationship. However, I really cannot find someone who I like and vice versa. I give up looking for this already so in this aspect of my life, I fully trust this to the Lord.
  94. Science was my best subject from preschool to fourth grade. I started hating Science when there was already Mathematics involved. Math was a subject that I struggled on since I was a kid. But when I was in college, I am more or less average in that subject.
  95. I hardly studied in high school but I was a web developer, a blogger and a fan fiction writer. Now that I think about it, it’s no wonder that I brought the lowest of grades to my parents compared to my brother and sister.
  96. I am corny but that is just me. I laugh at everything too, including my mistakes.
  97. According to psychology tests that I have taken since first grade to fourth year high school, I am an introvert. According to UST when I was third year college, I am an extrovert. Now, I do not know. Probably I’m back in being an introvert?
  98. In anime series, nothing beats Detective Conan though I was also obsessed with Ghost Fighter and Fushigi Yuugi before. I still watch Detective Conan up to now. I love detective series but I refuse to watch those like CSI because of my fear of blood. Yes, I’m hematophobic.
  99. I dislike shoes or slippers. At home, I usually walk barefoot. I feel freer walking in barefoot.
  100. Given a chance, I would like to be a TV host or an actress. I love knowing and influencing people and I think that is my purpose in life. But in the meantime, I am doing it in writing. 🙂

Seeing the Write Light.

I wonder what makes it interesting to write in your own life and exposing it afterwards to the entire world. What would one think that other persons would be interested in him and his everyday lives? What could the thoughts of one person do in the pool of almost 7 billion people running around in the planet?

My birth name is Maris Angelica. But nobody calls me that. Almost everyone that I know calls me Maica—just remove the ris from Maris and angel from Angelica and combine them together and tah-dah. I first blog when I was 12. Then I stopped when I reached college and I decided to write again when I was about third year college. Then I stopped again when I was about to enter law school. Then now, while I am about to enter my third year in law, I decided to blog again. Now that I think about it, I wonder why such a pattern was made.

The first step in a new chapter in life is always the hardest one. You want to give your all. You want to show everyone that you are that worth it to be in your position. That you are worth it. But a year after that, you will find yourself wrong. In the next year, you sink even deeper. That’s the part when you would feel the staggering loneliness. Then you would find yourself in isolation. Or at least partly in isolation. You communicate with old friends through social media but barely do anything  to meet up with them. You feel like they are too busy. You do not want to disturb them anymore. You cry alone. You eat alone. You pray alone. You feign happiness alone. You say to others that your okay but later you have that inkling to go to the confession box because you had lied then again.

And then you want to write again.

You write because you are human. Sometimes, the form does not count. Sometimes, grammatical errors are nothing. You write because you are overflowing with happiness, fuming with anger or weeping of sadness. But then you didn’t realize that somehow, something had changed in you. Now that I’m in law school, I realized recently that the most effective way for me to learn and memorize countless laws and jurisprudence is by means of outlining them first on a piece of paper. That’s the only way for me to read, comprehend every concept, every article and every idea communicated by law to me.  By writing, everything makes sense in your very eyes. And by making sense, you start learning—and that is what life is all about.

By writing too and publishing your thoughts, maybe someone, somewhere in the broad world wide web, someone is experiencing the same pain as you do. Perhaps, she’s a thirteen-year-old girl from America or Switzerland or Namibia, experiencing the agony of first love and reading your life’s lessons somewhere in the web made them feel better and understand things.  Maybe now, your ideas seem absurd, crazy or inappropriate but still you just wrote them down in your blog. Maybe nobody would read them today, or tomorrow or even after two years. But someday, who knows what great ideas may be derived of you. Leonardo da Vinci wrote the queerest of things, drew and conceptualized everything in his notebooks that has never been published but see now…besides his paintings, those ideas that are written in his notebooks made him a legend.

But then again, very few people become a legend. So write just because you are alive, write because you are special and write because you want to.

I see the light.

Now why do I write? I write to see the light. 🙂