Coming Clean

But if I tell the world, I’ll never say enough
‘Cause it was not said to you
And that’s exactly what I need to do.

—-Chasing Pavements by Adele


Platonic relationships can never really be a smooth ride for anyone.

Sure, we can have guy friends from left and right. You can always be one of the boys. But that cannot count as platonic. Wikipedia defines it as “a chaste and strong type of love that is non-sexual”. Chaste means pure and innocent type of friendship. Strong here means a very close relationship. But what complicates the definition is it being “non-sexual”. Sexual, used in this context, is not conformed only in the act of sexual intercourse but it is a practice of a human being to express his sexuality. This includes attraction, flirting and worst, falling in love.

I mean, let’s face it. In this era, it’s really difficult that one person you’re promised to since you were a little girl: your knight in shining armor. Usually, the nice, romantic and loyal guys are already taken by some lucky girls—which leave you with very few good choices. There are the handsome guys who are more often than not, players who would not think twice in leaving you for other attractive girls. Your heart could be shattered a thousand times over with this type of man. Then, there are some rich guys who most of the times aren’t handsome but the hell with their face when money talks. He may spend for you, yes, but he also has a lot of women. You cannot find love in him. There are also some strange guys who have a world of their own. They cannot understand you and you do not understand them at all. They are the type of guys who could be left with you at the middle of a rainy night inside a motel room where the mood is all set for some loving and yet, nothing shall ever happen between the two of you until the next morning.  Fortunately, sometimes you could really find men who are still nice, romantic an, loyal AND single yet unfortunately, whatever you do cannot make that powerful and magical connection to.

But amidst all these heartaches, you could be one of the lucky women who has that guy best friend who you could share your thoughts at the end of the day. He’s the one who will always care about you. He’s the one you could smile, laugh and talk to without any pretenses. He is someone who accepts you even if you’ve grown saggy eye bags, even if you did your makeup wrong and even if you have that bad hair day. Your friends say you look good together but you quickly negate them that he is just like your loveable brother or something. Nevertheless, caveat—-one morning and you’ll realize that whatever you do, you cannot live without him.

So what now?

Confession of a woman to a man seems a bit off from the social norm that it shall be the man who would declare it. It’s always a man’s job to woo the woman first but sometimes I feel that a bit off and hurtful to a woman. A woman shall always have the tendency to wait indefinitely for something to happen which could end as waiting in futility. Nonetheless, when we fall in love, sometimes other things like norms or perception of other people won’t really matter. When a woman confesses she is either brave or an idiot and perhaps sincere or desperate for some people but who cares about that?

There is one person who matters and that is him, your guy best friend who you fall in love with. Once you tell your feelings towards him two things may happen. It’s either you live happily ever after or you start saying goodbyes to him. Definitely, it’s really nice to be in a relationship with a guy best friend. He already knows and accepts you for who you are. In marriages, romantic love fades after several years of togetherness and in the end; it is the companionship and friendship that remains. However, prepare yourself as he might not feel the same way to you. Prepare to be rejected and walk away as you cannot be friends anymore. Your honesty may say goodbye to a friend forever but in the end, it may set you free.

But…no matter how I rationalize and understand my situation I know that the truth will hurt more than I’ll ever know. I’ve been in this situation a long time ago but it shall be different because it is you.

God, please do help me now. I’ve decided but I am not ready yet for the pain—although I know this is the only way I could be honest to myself and be honest to him because now I’ve realized that I stepped on the line yet I love him enough to let him go.


9 thoughts on “Coming Clean

  1. it’s all up to you. 🙂 case to case basis. kasi at the time, I thought it was good to be honest. so, ayun. I said what I felt. but as I said, disaster. but at least I knew na hindi pwede. and I realized that nine years down the road, buti di rin kami nagkatuluyan.

    1. Sorry ngayon ko lang ito nakita. Grabe…9 YEARS?!!! Ako nga habang-haba na sa 6 years kong kilala siya eh. Partida, acquaintances lang kami for more than half ng six years na yan. Grabe…sana makasabay ko uli kayo pauwi para ma-inspire ako sa inyong courage. 🙂

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