“No, you don’t know what it’s like when nothing feels all right. You don’t know what it’s like to be like me; to be hurt; to feel lost; to be left out in the dark; to be kicked when you’re down; to feel like you’ve been pushed around; to be on the edge of breaking down and no one’s there to save you. No, you don’t know what it’s like. Welcome to my life.”
― Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan
I was chubby and geeky ever since I entered primary school. But to make things worse when I was a child, I wear these very thick glasses and have this very bad haircut. I have no idea why my parents insisted on imposing boy haircuts to my sister and me but they just do. Besides that, I was freaking tall but with very awkward movements.
In a world where appearance does matter, I’m an easy target of bullies. I do not fight back, I just couldn’t. But I tell you, I was laughed at, poked on, pushed aside, called by names and a girl even plastered, “Baboy ako” (“I’m a pig”) at my back. There were times when some of my classmates hid my books or notebooks because probably it was fun on their part seeing someone go crazy looking for their stuffs. In the end, I just learned how to ignore them until they got tired. But I did this because for the longest time because I was believing them that I was ugly and awkward.
I believe that nobody must be mistreated or bullied inside the school. I hated school and it’s not because I am not fond of doing school works or studying but because I viewed it as hell. I have bullies the moment I entered the school bus and later, I have more by entering the classroom. Although God is kind by sending me good friends in school, still I have to drag myself every day in school.
I guess the bullying on me weakened when I was in second year high school. At that time, we were having our computer class, a subject I especially excelled in that is why I was so focused on listening to my teacher. Then suddenly I saw my classmate sitting behind me rubbing his shoes on my bag like a door mat and throwing his candy wrapper on it. I was shocked. I was filled with obfuscation and wrath that the next thing I knew, I was shouting, “Bag ko yan!” (“That’s my bag!”) and my right fist is already on his face. My teacher told me that she would see me after class but she didn’t. Maybe because I cried after that punching incident and I didn’t know exactly what I did. Well, I knew that gossip spreads like fire in our school. I mean my friend Anthony confessed in class that he is masturbating and the next day, everybody is calling him “Master” even the kids from other class who he didn’t know. The next day, people seems quiet when they see me except my friends though shocked, understood me and hang out with me as if nothing happened.
To you my young reader who is bullied, I want you to fight back. That is the only way to get pass by your own bully. If you are not strong enough handling them alone, find someone who can help you like a teacher, your parents or your counsellor. The problem in my case is that I was raised thinking that if you depend so much on your parents or any adult for that matter, you are weak. That is why I keep everything to myself. I didn’t cry either because I thought that crying is only for the weak. Nonetheless, do not do that. Cry as much as you want. Express your anger. Shout if you want. Break things if you must. But the most important thing is to talk to someone about it especially to people who love you. Feel their love and support to you. This shall strengthen you.
Do not hate your life just because you have some bullies around you. These days, some people are getting so far with their bullying that their victims are ending up killing themselves. Do not let this happen. Life has so much to offer. Life may suck now but it does get better, I assure you of that. Also, Lady Gaga, Adele, Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift are all the icons of the music industry now and everyone wants to be like them but you must know that they are all survivors of bullying. Bullying attacked even the little princess of Japan, Princess Aiko. She was severely bullied that she refused in going to school for months. So you see, if you are bullied, you now know that you are not alone. The impact of bullying lingers on even up to now. Sometimes, when I walk on streets and see a gang of students laughing behind my back, I occasionally think that they are laughing at me. Also, it is my self-esteem is something I am working on for years. Psychological tests indicate that I have a very low self-esteem until now.
Yes, I am aware that bullies are probably victims, too. A lot of bullies usually have problems at home. They may also be victims of social injustice, poverty, broken family and just like the bullied victim they do feel unloved and dejected. Nevertheless, there is no reason why one should hurt anyone physically and psychologically just because he is hurt. Rather, one who is hurt must give love and acceptance to a person who is hurt because he understands what another is going through. Bullying others does not make you cool. It doesn’t make you a higher and better person. You are still that broken person inside. At the end of the day, nobody misses a bully.
This month of October is the Anti-Bullying Month. I wrote my experiences to help raise the awareness against bullying. Nobody deserves to be bullied and feel ugly, worthless, helpless, rejected and unwanted. Know your worth, your capabilities and your potential. Know that you can make a difference. Know that you are worthy of love and is very important. Do not let anyone pull you down or harass you.
We must all stand up against bullying.
My experience in bullying did help me became a better person. In the future, I know my experience as a victim of bullying will help me become a good and righteous lawyer because I understand justice because I’ve came to understand injustice at a very young age. As Chris Colfer quoted, “When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sand paper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.”