Monthly Archives: November 2012

On Boosting Self-Confidence

We spend money that we do not have, on things we do not need, to impress people who do not care.

Will Smith

I think that I had come to this point in my life wherein I could truly say that I like myself.

If you had been a follower of my blog, you would know that I have a hard time growing up. I look, talk, think and act differently from others. But now I have this strong verge of confidence inside of me and I am willing to tell you the secret: I now fully know, understand and accept myself.

To accept oneself is not really easy. I believe that while man is essentially born as good person, he is also born a pessimist. We see awful things around us. We brace ourselves for the worst. Also, have you ever wondered why about 90% of the news on the television, radio and the web is composed only of bad news? The reason is pretty simple: bad news is the only ones that sell. The more horrific the news, the better because of the sensation and interest it absorbs from us. Therefore, if we look upon the world with so much negativity, then how do we perceive that one thing closest to us: our own selves?

When you look at the mirror, what do you see? A lot of persons see nothing but their imperfections. You see your pimple and other blemishes one hundred times more than your natural beauty. Or even if you are lucky enough without any skin blemishes, you would wonder why can’t you be skinny or tall or rich or talented or famous enough? That’s another fault of all of us: we like to compare. Then again, why do you need to compare? Whatever happens we live our own, unique lives. We have our own pace in finding our own purpose and our successes in life. Also, understand that no one is perfect. Everybody is struggling every day. Everyone has crosses to bear. Everyone has secrets. Don’t compare yourself to anyone because we don’t know what kind of life he or she is living in. You know, everyone is different even in handling pain. Some goes ballistic with a paper cut but some could smile beautifully despite having a stage four cancer.

Know yourself because chances are if you don’t know who you are then other people, who are most likely insecure of you, and media will tell you negative things that are possibly not true about yourself. You could be told that you would possibly fail in your plans or you lack qualifications or you are not attractive enough.

When I look at the mirror this is what I see: This month, I am officially twenty-four and half years old and a few more months, I will be a quarter of a century old. I am still studying when the people my age are starting to earn their first million pesos, travelling the country and the world and starting a family. I never had a boyfriend. I am voluptuous. I am too tall or too fair for a South-East Asian. I will never have a perfect skin. I am clumsier, quirkier and more awkward than most people I know. BUT I DON’T CARE ANYMORE.

Because I know and appreciate myself better now. I am still studying because I know that I have this much passion, intelligence and love to become a lawyer after a few more years. Yes, I am aging and I am dating nobody but if I will be in the single-blessedness stage forever, would that fact make me less than a person than those people who are married? Are married people or at least people who are in a relationship necessarily happier than those who are flying solo? Of course not.  I may be ageing, but I am very thankful for living wonderfully with so much love around me for more than twenty-four years.

I know my body well, hence, I accept that I am indeed a big and fat woman. But because I am aware this, I learned to choose clothes that are flattering to me. I could just walk myself with chin up because I know that I still could carry a level of sexiness within me. My skin is becoming fairer and fairer as the years go by mainly because I lack sun exposure because I stay at home in the morning to prepare for my lessons at night and leave home when the sun is about to expire for the day. However, I now consider myself lucky because I am no longer one of those girls (or even boys) who would inject thousands of vials of glutathione for their skin to be fairer. However, I really do not see what is wrong with being dark-skinned. To maintain a fair skin is way harder than you thought. A single blemish could be seen easily. Also, sun-kissed skin is always sexy.

My skin would always break out and I’ll never be those girls whom you could call pretty. Recently, I now learned how to use makeup which is so fun. Slowly, I learned that my skin is breaking out mainly of a lot of unnecessary stress. Stress because I was trying to please other people that I don’t like so hard. Stress because all my life I was trying to fit in. Stress because I was tired of my life. And all this were just a lot of wasted, precious energy!

I am clumsy, quirky and awkward but that is just me. Everything that I have said is my imperfections and that makes me who I am. My imperfections made me understand and relate to more people and with this knowledge, I could possibly inspire and boost self-confidence of people who are struggling with the same. I know my value and I am living my life. I do not need to prove or explain myself to anyone. My acceptance of who I truly am give me this long-lasting happiness that I carry on with my life every day. I am now the type of woman who could laugh at her mistakes, shrug it off and move on with your life.

So stand tall, chin up and smile. We are good enough. We matter. We are worthy. We are beautiful persons. 🙂

 

Happy, Quirky and Crazy.She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” —Proverbs 31:25
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A Decision Gone so Wrong: What is the Price of Artificial Beauty?

The news from China about the man suing his ex-wife for being ugly became a worldwide sensation. In fact, it was even one of the front page news from our local broadsheet this morning.

In case you have not read or heard about this news, I’ll supply the details: A man named Jian Feng married a beautiful woman whose name is withheld though her before-and-after pictures are shown. Anyway, according to Jian Feng, they had a blissful marriage until their daughter is born. He expressed his disgust by saying that their baby is “incredibly ugly to the point that it horrified” him. He accused his ex-wife of cheating because according to him, there is no way that their genes could produce such an ugly baby.

It turns out that the woman had undergone plastic surgery in South Korea where she spent almost $100,000 up to $125,000 (the reports vary) years before she met Jian Feng. Also, DNA tests were also conducted proving that indeed, they are both the parents of the baby. Thereafter, Jian Feng divorced his ex-wife and asked for damages. He won his case, not surprisingly handled by a male judge, and was awarded $120,000 worth of damages. The presiding judge ruled the man had technically married the woman under “false pretenses”.

Before and After the Surgery. Nobody could ever believe that these two pictures are the one and the same woman.

I understand that the woman is initially at fault here for she did not reveal her secret on what she really looks like before they got married. I understand the feeling of the husband that he was deceived upon seeing their baby and after knowing the truth about the plastic surgery.

But is marriage about what the other person looks like? Is this the “false pretenses” that the Chinese judge is talking about?

I do not know much about Chinese law but in case a similar case occurred here in the Philippines, I believe that they would use this provision from the Family Code:

Art. 45. A marriage may be annulled for any of the following causes, existing at the time of the marriage:

xxx                                                              xxx                                                xxx

(3) That the consent of either party was obtained by fraud, unless such party afterwards, with full knowledge of the facts constituting the fraud, freely cohabited with the other as husband and wife;

It may be weird citing the Philippine law but I believe that our law could be applicable to any family all over the world. The words may be annulled purports that such marriage is voidable. A voidable marriage or contract is considered valid until declared otherwise. And this is for a good reason: marriage is for perpetual partnership and unconditional love. In marriage, one entirely accepts a person for who he fully is. This includes not only the person perceived at this present but also his vague past and unknown future.

Nonetheless, whatever laws the Chinese have, it appears that Jian Feng only marry her because she looks beautiful, period. But he totally disregarded other aspects of her as physical beauty is just one element of a person. How about the times where she became patient with his idiosyncrasies? Maybe she even learned how to cook, to behave as an honorable wife for him. How about the little surprises she made to keep him smiling? Also, it is priceless whenever a woman worry for the safety of the man she loves.

But what puzzles me most is why he didn’t seem to research about his wife before marrying her. I mean, if I were to get married to the man I loved, I would have asked him to let me meet his family and friends. This serves not only as a background check but for me to get to know him more. I want to know his favorites as well as his dislikes. Or what kind of child or teen he was. If he was timid, I want to know why. If he was rebellious, I want to know what triggers it. Did he have allergies? I would like to know that, too, as there is a high possibility that our future children might inherit it. Ultimately, because I love him, I want to know him best in order to make him happy for the rest of our lives. Of course, past pictures would surface from the people I was asking, that is inevitable.

I am saddened on how the world is turning out to be where everything is based only on superficial and apparent beauty. I am not a fan of anyone who had undergone plastic surgery but somehow I understand Jian Feng’s ex-wife. The competition is tough in Asia but more especially in East Asian countries. You must not only be academically excellent, extremely talented but you must also possess good features like those big eyes, small face and perfect skin. Or perhaps, that woman also wants to feel beautiful after being ridiculed as ugly not only by her playmates when she was a young girl or her colleagues as a working lass but also by her parents and relatives who have this mischievous looks at her coupled with uncomfortable snickers  or head shakings.

Unfortunately, the man she thought who could finally make her happy for the rest of her life turned out to be a douche bag. Not only did he divorce her and humiliated her in public, but she also needs to pay her $120,000. Worst, there is no mentioning of any decision beneficial to her daughter. Will Jian Feng be also freed of his obligation of support to his daughter because of his ex-wife’s “false pretenses”? Where is the justice in this instant case? It does not make any sense. Whatever he says, the fact remains that the baby is still his own flesh and blood and that the baby is faultless with whatever misunderstanding he and his ex-wife had. It is also most unfortunate that their baby shall live with the fact that her daddy left her and her mommy because they are “ugly”.

On the brighter side, I want to congratulate the ex-wife because she can now live in peace without that heartless man. Also, there is still a person who would love her indefinitely: her daughter. For Mr. Jian Feng, good riddance. Enjoy your money earned in this case. Assuming you are a handsome man, you proved to the world that you are revolting and vile inside. Alas, nobody could ever love your wicked, cold and callous soul.

Beautiful Baby. According to some news reports circulating across the web, this is Jian Feng and his ex-wife’s baby. I don’t see her as ugly at all.