“We spend money that we do not have, on things we do not need, to impress people who do not care.”
― Will Smith
I think that I had come to this point in my life wherein I could truly say that I like myself.
If you had been a follower of my blog, you would know that I have a hard time growing up. I look, talk, think and act differently from others. But now I have this strong verge of confidence inside of me and I am willing to tell you the secret: I now fully know, understand and accept myself.
To accept oneself is not really easy. I believe that while man is essentially born as good person, he is also born a pessimist. We see awful things around us. We brace ourselves for the worst. Also, have you ever wondered why about 90% of the news on the television, radio and the web is composed only of bad news? The reason is pretty simple: bad news is the only ones that sell. The more horrific the news, the better because of the sensation and interest it absorbs from us. Therefore, if we look upon the world with so much negativity, then how do we perceive that one thing closest to us: our own selves?
When you look at the mirror, what do you see? A lot of persons see nothing but their imperfections. You see your pimple and other blemishes one hundred times more than your natural beauty. Or even if you are lucky enough without any skin blemishes, you would wonder why can’t you be skinny or tall or rich or talented or famous enough? That’s another fault of all of us: we like to compare. Then again, why do you need to compare? Whatever happens we live our own, unique lives. We have our own pace in finding our own purpose and our successes in life. Also, understand that no one is perfect. Everybody is struggling every day. Everyone has crosses to bear. Everyone has secrets. Don’t compare yourself to anyone because we don’t know what kind of life he or she is living in. You know, everyone is different even in handling pain. Some goes ballistic with a paper cut but some could smile beautifully despite having a stage four cancer.
Know yourself because chances are if you don’t know who you are then other people, who are most likely insecure of you, and media will tell you negative things that are possibly not true about yourself. You could be told that you would possibly fail in your plans or you lack qualifications or you are not attractive enough.
When I look at the mirror this is what I see: This month, I am officially twenty-four and half years old and a few more months, I will be a quarter of a century old. I am still studying when the people my age are starting to earn their first million pesos, travelling the country and the world and starting a family. I never had a boyfriend. I am voluptuous. I am too tall or too fair for a South-East Asian. I will never have a perfect skin. I am clumsier, quirkier and more awkward than most people I know. BUT I DON’T CARE ANYMORE.
Because I know and appreciate myself better now. I am still studying because I know that I have this much passion, intelligence and love to become a lawyer after a few more years. Yes, I am aging and I am dating nobody but if I will be in the single-blessedness stage forever, would that fact make me less than a person than those people who are married? Are married people or at least people who are in a relationship necessarily happier than those who are flying solo? Of course not. I may be ageing, but I am very thankful for living wonderfully with so much love around me for more than twenty-four years.
I know my body well, hence, I accept that I am indeed a big and fat woman. But because I am aware this, I learned to choose clothes that are flattering to me. I could just walk myself with chin up because I know that I still could carry a level of sexiness within me. My skin is becoming fairer and fairer as the years go by mainly because I lack sun exposure because I stay at home in the morning to prepare for my lessons at night and leave home when the sun is about to expire for the day. However, I now consider myself lucky because I am no longer one of those girls (or even boys) who would inject thousands of vials of glutathione for their skin to be fairer. However, I really do not see what is wrong with being dark-skinned. To maintain a fair skin is way harder than you thought. A single blemish could be seen easily. Also, sun-kissed skin is always sexy.
My skin would always break out and I’ll never be those girls whom you could call pretty. Recently, I now learned how to use makeup which is so fun. Slowly, I learned that my skin is breaking out mainly of a lot of unnecessary stress. Stress because I was trying to please other people that I don’t like so hard. Stress because all my life I was trying to fit in. Stress because I was tired of my life. And all this were just a lot of wasted, precious energy!
I am clumsy, quirky and awkward but that is just me. Everything that I have said is my imperfections and that makes me who I am. My imperfections made me understand and relate to more people and with this knowledge, I could possibly inspire and boost self-confidence of people who are struggling with the same. I know my value and I am living my life. I do not need to prove or explain myself to anyone. My acceptance of who I truly am give me this long-lasting happiness that I carry on with my life every day. I am now the type of woman who could laugh at her mistakes, shrug it off and move on with your life.
So stand tall, chin up and smile. We are good enough. We matter. We are worthy. We are beautiful persons.