Dear Fourteen-Year Old Self,
If ever time machine will ever be invented, I’ll immediately go to your dimension. I miss our carefree days. I miss how it feels when the world spins so slowly yet every day was worth it going to school. It is funny that for the first time in my life, I received the “Best in Attendance” award. It’s funny that despite doing so many things, I was never sick. Maybe it is youth. Maybe it is something else.
I miss those days when the world was not gadget-dominated yet. Only some people have cellular phones. I did not have one until shortly before I go to college and so does my friends but for some reason, communication was better then. Yes, we were tardy at times but we make sure we do everything to arrive on our meetings. It breaks my heart now how some people simply send a text message just an hour or two before the meeting and say they can’t make it. I love how we felt cool when we are chatting with our classmates in Yahoo Messenger as soon as we arrive home (even if you were chatting with them all throughout your break times) and even play with them IMVironments. Now, Yahoo Messenger just feels empty. There are very few people on-line but you don’t feel like talking to anyone of them. The worst thing is that it seems only the spammers care about you there as they are the only ones messaging you. Also, you and your friends exhaust your time making fan fiction of your favorite anime and book characters. Now you look back thinking how crazy that was but then again one part of me is starting to draft another Sakura-Syoaran plot at the back of your head when I think of all those happy times.
Although I like who I am now, I sometimes miss your carefree attitude as well as you being a simpleton in many things. I am broke most of the time because I put my money on cosmetics and skincare products and on the other hand, you don’t even know what is prom then. Every single day you just wake up, take your breakfast, take a bath, put on your thick granny glasses and that’s it. You don’t even apply any facial cleanser (and thus your acne were numerous) for your skin and pressed powder on your face. Your eyebrows are not bushy but grow all over the place. I’m sure threading and plucking are Pig Latin terms for you. I’m also sure that you understand mascara as something worn on masquerade parties. But still, I’m a little sad for you because you hardly look at yourself in the mirror and refused to have your pictures taken because you believed and perceived yourself as tad ugly. But you are not. Every girl is beautiful, including you. Also, spoiler alert: you are going to wear braces for two years to tighten the gaps of your teeth.
Well, things are really different now after ten years. For example, to tag in your time is to play tag with your friends on the quadrangle or the corridors before class but now it’s a complicated term that when someone uploaded a thing on Facebook it’s either that person wants to show something about your or something interesting that he has seen. I want to tell you that Facebook is just like that defunct Friendster but at that age, Friendster was also unheard of. Anyway, ten years seems to be a very long time but it wasn’t. The world spun faster as soon as I reached sixteen where everyone was talking about high school graduation, future careers and yes, prom. People come and go in my life. But you know, the people who stayed with me as my closest friends are our classmates during your time. They grew up to be beautiful people who are bravely struggling now as members as the working class and at the same time, battling quarter life crisis.
I have changed but I am still you. I will always be you. I laugh hard on the plainest joke. I am still compassionate on life and achieving our dreams. I still love chocolates. I still like the arts and history. I still love those intelligent and quirky conversations. I am still a very awkward dancer—okay, I still cannot dance to save my life. I am clumsy and disorganized. But maybe I’m just a little more confident now. I guess that is the only change in me.
You will always be part of me. You will always live in my memory.
Your Twenty-Four Year Old Self
P.S. I saw our very first crush last week. He is still as cute and as gentlemanly as ever. It’s a good thing that I was wearing makeup then because he didn’t see me blushed naturally when I first saw him. See, some things never change.