Tag Archives: wishes

Nang Biglang Natapos ang 2014

The Politician
The Politician Smile. Naalala ko na tawa ako ng tawa nung una kong nakita ang larawan kong ito. Nung bata ako, pinangarap ko maging politiko. Presidente pa nga ng bansa eh! Pero nung nakita ko ito…naisip ko, parang hindi naman bagay. Haha! Pero hindi pa ako nagsasalita ng tapos. Abangan ang mga susunod na kabanata.

Dahil 2015 na…marami na namang ‘magpaparamdam’ for 2016 Elections. Kaya eto…for the sake of wala lang, nilalatag ko na ang picture ko na malamang nasa 2016 na kalendaryo niyo.

Seriously, no. Wala po akong balak takbuhan na posisyon kahit sa pagiging Tanod. At utang na loob, WAG niyo iboboto sa 2016 ang mga nagpaparamdam na mga taong ganito. Hindi nila mahal talaga ang bayan. Papasok lang sila sa politika dahil at gagawin itong negosyo. Inilagay ko lang ang larawan ito dahil napansin ko lang na never ko pala inilagay ang grad pic ko dito sa Facebook. So sa mga taong naghahanap ng grad pic ko, here you go…

Ang bilis lang. Patapos na ang 2014. Sa totoo lang, wala ako masyadong alala sa taon na ito. Wala eh. Boring talaga. More than half siguro ng taon, nagtatago ako dahil sa Bar. Maliban sa pagtatapos ko ng kurso ko, pagkuha ko ng Bar at pagkakaroon ko ng isang tunay na trabaho, wala na akong maituturing na “highlight” ng taon ko. Boring, ‘no? Kaya naman puro tanong lang ang naiwan sa akin.

Gayunpaman, nagpapasalamat ako sa taon na ito lalong-lalo na sa pamilya ko na binigyan ako ng walang hanggan na suporta; mga kaibigan ko sa pag-intindi na wala akong gaanong magawa sa kanila ngayong taon; sa Pamantasan ng Silangan sa pagtuturo ng lahat ng kinakailangan ko para sa bar; at sa mga katrabaho ko sa Kagawaran ng Repormang Pansakahan sa pagtulong niyo sa akin.

Isa na lang talaga ang hinihiling ko ngayon: hindi na sana muli mangyari ang 2014 sa buhay ko. Ayoko na danasin ang lahat ng sakripisyong iyon. Ayoko na ng pakiramdam na pinuputol ko ang sarili ko sa mundo para lamang sa pag-aaral. Gusto ko na ng pagbabago. Gusto ko na makatulong sa bansa para sa ikabubuti ng sistemang panghustisya. Gusto ko na rin na tumulong ng malaki para sa aking pamilya.

Kaya naman sa lahat ng Bagong Taon, ngayon ako pinakanasasabik. Sana nga lahat ng pagbabago na hinihingi ko ay matupad sa 2015. Hindi na rin ako bumabata. Sa darating na taon ay dalawampu’t pitong taong gulang na ako. Kaya naman parang awa niyo na…isama niyo lagi sa dasal niyo na maipasa ko ang Bar Exams.

Bago ako matapos ay sana, wag lang pansariling bagay ang ihiling natin ngayong taon tulad ng sana magkapera o pumayat. Hilingin natin ang mga bagay na magiging kapaki-pakinabang tayo sa kapwa natin tulad ng sana mas masigasig ako sa pagtatrabaho, mas habaan ko ang pasensya ko sa pamilya ko o sana mas galingan ko sa pag-aaral ko o sana mas maging mabuting Pilipino ako. Ito rin ang taon para laliman natin ang pananampalataya natin sa Maykapal. May nabasa ako na iniisip ng tao na magiging masaya lang siya kung siya ay magiging matagumpay. Pero ayon sa isa pag-aaral sa larangan ng sikolohiya, baligtad raw dapat. Magiging matagumpay lamang ang isang tao kung maligaya siya sa ginagawa niya. Kaya para sa lahat, ipinagdadasal ko ang kaligayahan niyo ngayong taon. Manigong Bagong Taon sa Lahat!

P.S. Hindi ko ito inilagay sa Facebook account ko pero may isa akong resolusyon: na makapagsulat ako ng marami pa sa susunod na taon. Patawarin niyo ako sa hindi pagsulat halos. Maliban sa abala ako ay hindi ko alam kung saan magsisimula pagkatapos ng Bar Exams. Hanggang sa susunod na taon!

The Entire Truth

I’m so sorry for not writing as much as I’m supposed to.

I want to say I’m busy. That’s true, but that’s not entirely true. It’s true that I have summer classes, but I have three weeks off last April. But, besides writing that previous article on how I took pleasure in mocking the North Koreans, I could not write anymore. But that is not entirely true. I did tried writing with quite a number of times but I could not finish it. I can’t finish just one freaking article. Now, that’s true but I have no explanation why.

I want to rant now on how frustrated I am on not having a single vacation this summer season, nevertheless, I’m just too tired now. My summer class will end Saturday of next week and my regular semester will begin on the fourth of June. I just feel so tired. I want to say that I’m tired this summer studying three law subjects namely Special Proceedings, Special Penal Laws and Legal and Judicial Forms but again, that statement is just partly true. True, that my Special Proceedings class is such a pain in the neck as my professor assign at least twenty-five cases per meeting, there are some cases in Special Penal Laws and Legal and Judicial Forms have these occasional very long home works.  However, it is also true that I go to class without reading anything. Good grief, I’m so blessed with luck in Special Proceedings. Never mind the two other classes for they are pressure-less. But Special Proceedings is a different case. However, whenever I did not read a thing, I’m not called at all. I’m never close to being called. See, I cannot rant at all.

I want to say I’m happy now, but again, it is not entirely true. True, I conquered my fear by finally telling him how I really feel about him. It’s something that I really want to do for more than a year now. I just thought that maybe the feeling is just like the feeling I had after finally convincing myself on riding that infamous Space Shuttle ride in Enchanted Kingdom. In my mind at the long queue of people in the line of Space Shuttle, “It would be nothing. It’s finished in fifty-six seconds.” Yes, confessing your feelings did take just about fifty-six seconds but it’s a little different after riding the Space Shuttle. In Space Shuttle, there is no “yes or no” for there is only go. In confessing your feelings, you await that answer. Will he reject you or will he say that he feels the same? Will he thank you and say that he loves another or will he just look at you in silence? The man I love, being a twisted and complicated yet still loved by me creature that he is, gave an answer I practically did not expect at all in my more than a year of thinking on how he would react. He answered that it’s like a yes but with something ridiculous that makes it kind of no but definitely he did not answer it with a maybe. God, why did you let me fall in love with a confusing man? But God, I want you to know that I still love him. God, I want to see him but probably we’re both not yet ready to face each other again. In Korean dramas, this is the point wherein the main girl and boy will not see each other for two years so that they could focus on their career and think if they are really meant for each other. I do not know what the hell is with two years but believe me, it has been three weeks but it feels painful. Can I really wait for two years so that I could see him again? By that time, I’m midway on my review for bar exams! But wait…what am I talking about? We are not Koreans in the first place! Anyway, that single moment of courage is the best birthday gift I had given myself. I ended the last couple of weeks of my life as twenty-three years old finally free. Even if I miss him, I cry considerably less now at night compared to when I was pondering on whether I’ll tell him or not. I sleep longer and more soundly now. In fact, ever since I told him my feelings, I never remembered a single dream that I have at night which is probably a good thing. I’ve read that there is a psychological finding that you are most likely to remember your dream when you are depressed. Perhaps, I’m no longer depressed? And yes, thank you so much for very supportive friends. Now, don’t get me started with them. That is why, I want to say I am unhappy but that is not entirely true. A part of me is truly happy.

So now I want to say that I want to restart my life. That is true yet impossible. They said that when you are nearing the end, that’s the part where you are most likely to give up. I might seem losing passion with law studies at this point but it is like a crime to give up now. But what I can do is to reorganize. I need to throw what is no longer essential, keep what is needed and also set aside things which I must do but is still impossible now at this time.  I also need to settle the unholy trinity—my brain, my heart and my soul. They are not in synch in almost every single way. So yes, I’m restarting my life in a way that I was when I was studying law—someone filled with hopes, dreams and passion. That’s how I started things so that’s how it will end. So I feel like I’m restarting my life but in fact I’m just restoring myself on how I should really be.

Yes, I should write more. That’s how it supposed to and that’s how it shall be. 🙂

 

Strawberry Wishes. If I could recall things correctly, the last time I had cake on my birthday was back in grade school. It’s amazing that I received FOUR cakes on my 24th birthday and I get to blow two of them—both strawberry flavored. It may be a sign of good things to come. Happy Birthday to me. 🙂

Before I forgot, I thank my sister Lea, for creating a blog entry about me and our relationship as sisters as a birthday gift (besides that Strawberry Cake above). Thank you, my dearest sister! I love you a lot. 🙂